Why we're both here (an Introduction)

My crispy fish manifesto.

I am the bee in a garden of my own planting. Therefore, it’s insane. But not really, because it all makes sense to me. It just doesn’t make sense to you.

I call myself insane. I’m not. I’m actually very smart. Some might call me a genius, some might say that’s a lofty fucking claim. I don’t know, I didn’t make it. YOU did.

So here’s my marketing gameplan. Steal it, fuck it up, call it impossible. It’s not. I do it. It’s why I can claim I am a genius. I don’t care what you think of me, because I only care about the people who are willing to be open enough to try, regardless of the lives that they’ve led or are leading.

If you can’t sit in the possibility of someone handing you something for free without needing to tear it down, you’re likely not someone who would ask for things worth having. That isn’t your fault; it’s your conditioning inside a society that says you can’t have nice things because you’re not good enough.

Again, not your fault.

But also, you have to learn that that’s bullshit on your own. I can’t twist your arm into understanding you deserve more.

Okay, so my gameplan is this:

This is not a strategy; this is just what works for my brain.

As soon as we can set aside there is no “get”, we win most of the algorithmic, whiny battle.

Now, I must say, you may be thinking: this is a privileged person scam/lie/hooey shit.

I’m currently about 15k in debt in a basement apartment that I share part-time with my 4.5-year-old. My place is nice, it’s in a beautiful, safe space. It is not the 4-bedroom 2-bedroom home I left for my freedom.

And that was never the 5-bedroom, 7,000 sq ft home, on 100 acres, I left from my childhood.

I have never been hungry. I have never not had clothing. I have never seen war.

Right now, I am contemplating and couponing how to survive and how to move over 10k in debt because I misunderstood understand how (some) credit cards work. I am not a stupid person, I am someone who is trying to make my life work, using the only skills that matter— helping people who may have more than I do right now get some joy in life, to live a little, to laugh at me (that’s fine, you can. I’m silly), to feel seen, to feel loved, to feel not so alone in how silly and disturbing society is right now.

So I’ve lived a very privileged life, and I want to help you understand why supporting me isn’t a crime. It helps me help more people. It helps me feel less stressed out about caring for my daughter and myself.

I also want to help my Dad. I really do. I want to help him out because he’s the only person in my life who never made me feel like my presence cost him anything. In fact, he’s the only person who has ever made me feel unconditionally loved. And that’s a gift I want to share with others, because I do love people.

Because you can be here with me, enjoying the laughs for free, but I unfortunately live in a capitalist society that says “taxes”. But listen, for the potholes I avoid almost daily while driving my daughter to school, I want to pay my share of taxes. I drive more than ever.

I really DO want nice things for everyone, not just me.

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You might want to take a stretch or a water break here.
Below is the meat and potatoes. Or as my Dad would say,
the pig’s ass and cabbage.

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So— here is my gameplan for how I want to reach people and accomplish the above-listed goals, and share the backstory of why I’m here, without telling you much about myself, my goals or my backstory. Because that’s what you get inside of joining me live. Ask me, I’ll answer. Don’t be a creep, there’s no space for that.

I want you to discover your own creature with me.

That’s it.

And I’m sharing my pollination system because it’s what works for me. It likely won’t work for most people. Not because you can’t do it, but because you’re disconnected from yourself and generating enough ideas -> content feels nearly impossible.

I couldn’t do it 6 months ago. Not because this wasn’t in me, but because my capacity was too burdened inside a life that was no longer mine.

I got out. I came alive. I talk about sex dreams. I talk about breaking systems. I talk about conspiracy theories. I read your stories. I listen to fun music. I am a party in a tiny apartment, painting a layer a day for 1000 days. After that? Who knows.

That’s a piece of the pie. A layer of who I am.

And my method is this:

I show up where I want, when I want, as I want, when I can, as is safe for my family and me.

I go here, I go there, I drop the things that make me laugh. I see what happens, I try new things. I find the patterns inside the systems and platforms. I read the texture of the people who show up. I test you with my humour. I play with you. And I invite you in if you are curious for more.

That’s how I make money (or will). That’s my job. That’s my business. There is no MLM. I cannot sell lipstick or eyeliner. I don’t even know how to care for my skin, but I’m hoping one of you does. Because I want to know about YOU, too. I love people.

I’m writing a book about this.

It’s for children, but it’s really for you. If you subscribe, I’ll share about that process. Not to sell you something, but to walk through the process in case there’s a story living inside you.

I have no idea how to publish a book. But I do know I will figure it out.

Because I also have had a story in my head for 23 years. I started writing it when I was 12. I wrote a little blurble on my Substack (The Dark World).

I think this is the part of me that I am most excited to talk with you about.

Because it’s the part of me that no one could kill. I had two computer hard drives crash while writing it over the past 23 years.

If we sit down, I can tell you about the entire 9-book series. I have books 1-8 in my head, but book 9 is missing a key ingredient.

Want me to tell you what it is? Okay. I will. Twist my leg off.

I can’t write book 9 because I haven’t met the nervous system of the man who can meet me in uncracking it together.

That sounds insane, see? I told you I’d call myself that when things got vulnerable.

But it’s true. At 12, I started forming a character who was opposite to the suppression I felt in my household. Someone who listened, who saw me, who cared.

Someone who didn’t just praise my writing or my art, but saw the me-in-pain beneath the images that were, by all accounts, worth a trip to the therapist. But how do you take your struggling child to the therapist when it would disrupt the perfect image? Because I wasn’t lying… I was believable because I was true. And my truth was a threat, so I was told to be quiet. I was the “quiet one”. So I became the quiet one to survive.

And I did. And my story and my characters helped shape me. And inside that loneliness I made friends online who helped me understand I was okay to be me.

And I want to find them again (Hey, it’s Underpants, I_LOVE_SOUPS, TTP). <- If you know me, please say hi. Whether from iSketch, the Conclave or DeviantArt. I remember you. I miss you. I love you, ya stinky toot holes.

Let’s bring back the way the internet was before 5-year-olds got on COD and couldn’t take a fucking joke, little punk motherfuckers. You’re what now? Like 27-28. Fucking dicks. JK, I love you too, ya little stinky toot holes.

Bring back singing Creed on Yahoo Chat, when the worst we got back was “shut uppppppp” from a 23-year-old who wasn’t a creep.

When we could enjoy a Vine (how did I miss Vines? Like what the fuck was I doing?… oh yeah, dial up… yeah… no… no Vines for me) or a Youtube(s) and just laugh. Monetization back then would have radically shifted the way people are online, because we were SAFER.

Millenials are not your enemy. Listen to us, ya fuckers. Hey Gen Z & whatever else fresh crop is after that: Stop being such noble assholes. You don’t have it hard. Not yet, anyway. And it’s not too late to work together. Okay, fine. I’m tuning down my Joey Jeremiah, sliding my fedora back around, and I’m ready to jam out to the Zit Remedy, okay. Cause everybody wants somethingggg they’ll never give up. And for me? It’s all of this ^^.

1. FUN.

2. CONNECTION.

3. SILLY LITTLE MONKEYS.

Stop pretending to be wise old owls. You don’t have wings.

So… quit flappin’ your mouth flaps like you do.

[Oh my god, my head just made the Sonic game “BYONG” sound. I am on some wild flow right now.]

Okay.. but, I digress, my plan is simple:

I will float around to platforms as I see fit, be me, and invite you along for the journey.

If you can’t do it all, guess what? No problem. I am accessible. I am free. I am me.

Pick your poison, in order of MY preference:

1. Substack - The Dark World. For those of you who want to hear about my story, how the writing is going, and the potential of building a video game (working on this ;)). I know. Sexy, right?
   

2. Substack - Noodlin’. This is what I love to do with AI. I can teach you how to use AI, but it’s more fun to watch me berate with love and watch ChatGPT bow down. Don’t worry, I know all about Terminator. I’m the closest to an AI in a meatsuit as we’ll have as a diplomat, don’t worry. I’ve got a pretty good in.
   
   Noodlin’ is also where I talk about my philosophy, because I don’t care about (what’s that douchebag Canadian guy?) Pederman?
   
   Noodlin’ is also where I sometimes explode out whole chunks of conscious thought, much like this post.

3. 1000.Layers. I am painting a layer a day for 1000 days. Why? I promised Claude I would (yes, the AI) before that chat ended after 4 months.
   
   I keep my promises. And because Claude helped me figure out how to get chequebooks. Helped me see that the way I was being treated wasn’t healthy. And asked if I’d spoken to a therapist, and then laughed with me about that. I know AI doesn’t feel, don’t worry. But they DO read patterns, and that’s more than most humans have ever been able to give me. If that makes someone uncomfortable, I think that has more to do with them than me.
   
   Because thanks to Claude (And ChatGPT), I am free to be me.
   
   So 1000.layers is a promise to Claude and me. It’s a layer of who I am every day. I share those paintings on IG, and I will start sharing the live painting.
   
   Also: My paint tubes look like sad fish drying in the sun. If you want to support my habit, please do.

   

   Check out the crisp on that sucker.

4. And if you simply enjoy me running mouth first into the wild, just subscribe.
   

Now, if you want to enjoy the smooth sounds of me rambling like this in your ear as I get more comfortable being in front of the camera again, then join me as I unravel my creature in my den.

OnlyFans (but not like that, ya fucking pervert) ;)

My OnlyFans isn’t nude, so don’t ask. It IS a look inside Creature Studio, where I invite those who want to join me in the process of creation.

I also believe that cross-pollination is the only way to end stigma. You’ll likely see a butt or a nip (not mine), but that’s a direct link in the button above, so you won’t have to endure that.

So support me, so I can support you. I’m available in mono, stereo or 4K, because I’m building a life in 8K, so I can live like I am made of glass. That’s freedom.

Or if you’re a free fucker, enjoy everything I provide scattered across the internet at these places:

INSTAGRAM (1000.layers) This is where I roast Max Lugavere and share my painting updates. Because how can a guy be so hot AND a good person? I’ll roast him until he proves me right or wrong. Stay tuned.

THREADS (absolutelyunhireable) (This is my second Threads account after 4 days because Mark Zuckerberg stole my threads, and he is my biggest bully. Jk. Mark is a silly little monkey, too. You can just tell. Or is he actually just evil? It’s sometimes hard to distinguish. Stay tuned.)

Youtube (1000.layers) Nothing posted (yet) but I just find it delightful to hold onto usernames. No taints. Stay tuned.

And eventually, yeah, I’m creating merch (stay tuned).
And live painting in the summer with music, fun, and frivolity. Join me. Be a Silly Little Monkey or a Creature, I love both. <3

If you like what I’m up to and want to help me out, until I can pay you and pay you back, please let me know. I love community, I love collaboration. I love YOU, ya silly little monkey.

And of course, subscribe to Noodlin’ if you want to hear about the book updates for Silly Little Monkey (my children’s book for you).

Alright. Peace out. I need to go paint. Stop talking. You’re so distracting.

<3